Honor Thy Parents

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.

Mark Twain, “Old Times on the Mississippi” Atlantic Monthly, 1874

Eckhart Tolle in his book A New Earth (page 100) quotes Ram Dass as once saying ‘If you think you are so enlightened, go and spend a week with your parents.’ Same goes for spending an hour with your teenage son who has just gotten caught sneaking out of his bedroom window.  My own Zen goes south when I am face to face with my progeny, especially when I can clearly see myself in the eyes and spirit of my offspring.  If this is the age of A New Earth, then why do we still feel like Paleozoic parents?

So the dilemma it seems is that as parents and children we are each caught in this space-time continuum where we inevitably see the other as young and stupid or old and ignorant.  Until of course we are past prime ourselves then it becomes old and senile or middle aged and mindless.

I remember the feelings of outrage and injustice as a teen toward my parental units – Mom changed husbands with seamless regularity while I was growing up, so parental units became code word for whoever was ruling the roost at the time.  It’s what we do.  It’s in the DNA.  Teenage angst seems as predetermined as taxes or death.  Wait wasn’t it cake or death?   As parents we have all but lost our sense of humor when it comes to the sitcom under our own roof.  As Garrison Keillor may have said “God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he’s stuck with so many bad actors who don’t know how to play funny.”

So how do we play funny when reading the script that has been passed down generation after generation within our family of origin soap opera saga?  And how do we see in the moment what hindsight will illustrate for us in due time?  Perhaps at times at our best we can recognize that it is all a story.  And though we cannot choose our parents or our problems, we may at times be fortunate to remember that we can put the fun back into dysfunctional as we muddle through one more day in paradise.