Buddha or Mara?

As the tale goes Buddha overcame the illusion of Mara and touched the earth as witness in what is now a famous mudra of the enlightened one.  Left palm in the lap facing up and the right hand draped over the knee with fingers pointing down, touching the ground to summon Sthavara (EarthMother) as witness of the final understanding.

As I crouched this morning in what could not even be recognized as Vipassana because of the body pain and dis-ease, I could witness the places in my body that were still and solid.  It was easy to notice the places of agony and angst as they tend to draw the biggest crowd of firing neurons and peptide brews.  But at the same time there was an equal and opposite awareness of stillness and solidity.  The soles of my feet were warm and stable, while the vortex in my neck and shoulders was raging wildly.  The birds outside my window were singing with the same essence as the feeling in my feet, grounded in their treetop pavilions.  Other noises and sensations were also present, loud cars driving too fast on residential streets and noisy outbursts inside the house as well.

The left palm facing up in bliss and the right hand touching the earth and pain on the level of form.  Only this silly (yet solid perception) of a “me” was trying to push one away and embrace only the left hand.  The birds were not chasing after the unruly car.  That which was able to witness both hands, was able to allow each to be as they were.

Had it been a moment of Satori, there may have been a feeling of lightness and well-being in that moment.  But instead only a heavy realization that the “me” was still stuck in the thick of it — neither Buddha nor Mara but perhaps the whole of Buddha and Mara at once and at One.