Yin Yang on the Fly



 

“In Chinese philosophy, the concept of yin-yang (simplified Chinese: 阴阳; traditional Chinese: 陰陽; pinyin: yīnyáng), which is often called “yin and yang”, is used to describe how seemingly opposite or contrary forces are interconnected and interdependent in the natural world; and, how they give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.” Wikipedia.

I was recently told that my opinion woefully vacillates which makes it difficult to stand behind anything I say.  Which I realized in the moment was exactly the type of beginner’s mind that I try to cultivate.  Not that I don’t have strong beliefs or values that guide my actions, but rather I want to be able to stay flexible and open in what new information may present itself in the moment without preconceiving an opinion based on the biases of my past.  Of course at times I am more or less successful which is probably why it appears that I flip-flop like a politician approaching election day.

Consistency itself is an elusive quality.  As it is only possible to see the non-changing nature in a still photograph … or a snapshot in time.  In the age of Instagram where we document the nano-seconds in our own auto-art-ography, we may appear in any one picture to be timeless.  But when we span the years of our Facebook tagged timeline, we see that everything is ephemeral.  The cute puppy becomes the senior settled dog, the new computer too soon degrades into technical obsolesce and that smile that we had on our face when everyone said how happy we looked faded into tears no doubt sooner than anyone could realize.

I’ve been taking a close look at pain this week, in all of its forms and glory.  Not only my own, but in every sentient being that walks through the portal of my circumstance.  Old friends who send a text of utter agony, or ugh agony as the onomatopoeia may be.  Teen angles that can’t find their wings to lift them above the angst.  And other loved ones who feel the burning in their core like the fires of hell.

And its not just pain in isolation as a physical manifestation.  But as my sweet hairless pup, Dalai, demonstrated this week when she broke off her nail-bed at the quick, there can be a desperate primal story of fear that comes along for the wild ride as the painbody awakens.  Sometimes we can experience pain, and just allow it to be.  Like a house fly that lands on our arm while we are reading a good book (okay more likely playing a game on the computer).  We are aware of the fly in the periphery of our vision, we may even feel the tiny feet of the insect as it sits on our skin.  But we are able to keep our attention on whatever it is that we wish to be engaged.  However, at other times, the fly raises our ire and we instantly feel the flash of this-must-not-be raise in our consciousness.  Now we have a story attached to the uninvited guest.

Even if the we know the fly will take to flight and leave us, our story of “it will just come back again” or some version of I have to take action and kill it or in a kinder world, shoo it away gently, presents itself with such veracity that we are moved to take our hand and HIT our own arm.

And of course, its easy to see (albeit often only in hindsight) when we are beating our self up for being in pain.  Or as we recognize the desire to lash out at someone else in hope that the rage inside of us will somehow diminish.  But even when we don’t swat at the fly, the burning urge to DO SOMETHING eats away at our innards.

When we can see the fluidity of our circumstances and actually appercieve the flow of the yin-yang … everything turns in to everything else … then we are better able to sit with our pain knowing that it is as transient as the fly on our arm.  The dark moments still come, but not without a touch of light inside of them, just as a piece of the dis-ease remains with us even in our easier moments.  Knowing that we will always have both in our lives, not that we will only always have the pain, but that we will always have BOTH the crick and the comfort coalesced in constant community.  Ahh then we can feel the space that we need to breathe into our own suffering without seeking escape or a fly swatter.blueyinyang

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