Family Matters

Sometimes we need to be heard. With recent legislation passed making love illegal, those of us formerly comfortable in the shadow of political fray may be tempted to find their voice and speak out against injustice. And if I was living with my lesbian lover forlorn at the same circumstances as North Carolinians, I hope that I would be brave enough as the Queen herself to come out and stand proud.

It is hard to speak about private issues of love and family matters to the public which is often ready with stones in hand. So we follow our heart in silence hoping that in time the world will someday accept us for who we are without judgement or condemnation.

We rely on those brave pioneers to blaze the trail, take the bullets and tend to their wounds. Afterall, some of us need to maintain our position, hold on to our job, raise our family in peace. I don’t fault anyone for not coming out, for not speaking up. I understand all too well what it means to accommodate the social norm. And though I failed miserably at doing so for most of my former career 🙂 I certainly gave it to old college try.

In recent years I have been willing to talk about my illness, share my fears and reach out to others in support of finding their own unique healing path. In doing so, I have no doubt embarrassed my family, lost people I thought were friends and annoyed a slew of youtubers and facebook fanatics. And at the same time I have demonstrated for my kids what it means to be strong, made strong friendships with people I have never met in person and helped hundreds of people that I will never meet in my lifetime.

It is hard to speak out about private matters of love and family. But sometimes we are drawn to do so. And while I am not a hip hop artist or legendary actress, I am a bright educated and technically savvy woman. Even before I became a grain brain vegetarian, before I wore birkenstocks …. at a time when I was still wearing make up and panty hose in my yuppie years. I was a nursing mother.

All told I breastfeed my three children for a total of 8 and a half years. You do the math. Okay, I’ll help with the numbers … they each weaned themselves by three years of age. When I saw the cover of Time magazine this week and began to hear the glass shatter as stones were hurled at the attachment parenting families I knew that I wanted to stand beside my La Leche League sisters and let the stones hit my breasts.

I was a working Mom.  My kids spent much of their waking hours in daycare or with a nanny.  And still I managed to nurse each one without giving any of them a bottle.  (Think lots of trips to the daycare center and deeply grateful for a career that allowed me the flexibility to do so.)  At home, we had a family bed. Despite what you’ll hear in the news … babies who sleep with their parents, who are worn close to the body and carried, who are nursed until they wean themselves .. and YES they DO wean themselves when they are ready … by and large grow up to be very secure, independent and caring adults. I have AMAZING KIDS, not despite how they were raised but in part because of the attachment parenting style we embraced.

I could tell stories of course about my first La Leche League  meeting, when I saw a nursing toddler and thought these ladies where lunetics. Only to later become an active member and advocate of LLL for a dozen years. Or I could tell about the people who said unthinkable things to me when they found out I was nursing a toddler.  Or the adorable stories of young nurslings who learn independence because they feel safe to explore their world.

I could even attempt to be informative and try and explain that none of us nurse our toddler on step ladders, and that when we say we have a nursing toddler it most often refers to a little one who nurses once briefly at night until she falls asleep, or when she hurts herself or becomes frightened.

But in fact, I think it IS a private matter of love and family. Each of us must find what is RIGHT for us in the moment. We do our best and put money in the therapy jar for our children’s future.♥