People You May Know …

One of Facebook’s many “features” and I use that term with a harmonic note of sarcasm and sardonic grin, is the People You May Know suggestions that pop up on the right side of the page, or on a pushy day the whole first half of your home page. I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds Facebook’s constant recommendation that I “friend” my ex-husband more than a bit off putting when its the first thing I see before my cup of coffee which of course is anytime of the day since I gave up coffee when I stopped smoking at 22. Look! You have 45 friends in common with this person!! Well yes we do … AND THREE CHILDREN. But that doesn’t mean we intend to be social networking friends. Nor do I care what high score BINGO Blitz, Words with Friends, Diamond Dash or Tetris Battle he is now playing.

The recommendation is not personal of course. Its devoid human emotion or motivation. A simple algorithm that adds faceless tally marks and totals common links between profiles. Everyone knows that of course. Unless you have a touch of OCD … (Obsessive Conspiracy Disorder) in which case you are well aware that the Facebook database knows more about you than the PIPL pooh-bah and has filed every court document, mortgage lien, pet adoption and cash purchase for every plain brown wrapper delivery since you were 17.

Facebook KNOWS its your ex-husband and that you’ve ignored their recommendation for the last five years and four months. It counts on the fact that you’ll click ANYTHING over on the right margin (here’s a word from our sponsor) just to make the picture of him and his new 26 year old wife vacationing in the Bahamas go away. So of course you choose retail therapy to feel better about your middle aged makeup-less face with that picture of your ass in those jeans you don’t know why you thought you could wear that your daughter tagged you in on her wall this morning.

Amazon Prime … Take me Away!