Aloneness
Somehow in a Satori moment, the Truth of non-dual teachings seems to be seen through new eyes. Though nothing New is acquired, that which has always (in all ways) been — transcends the words on the page left by sages into a realm beyond experience that touches the Being-ness itSelf.
Sitting in meditation near a small apple tree that had recently given up her bounty, I closed my eyes to feel the aloneness on a morning that my college girl returned to campus after a long summer at home. But instead of an empty nest, I noticed the birds in the pepper tree beside me. I listened for a moment then heard the familiar buzz of rapidly beating wings as a humming bird darted in front of my blanket that was covering the morning dew. My eyes opened to catch a glimpse of the hummer as she fluttered to a nearby branch. Her familiar song of shrill tweets and whistles seemed to pierce my heart. As my eyes followed her to the upper branches, I could see that the half moon was still in the sky. In an otherwise endless ocean of blue, the crescent seemed to smile back at me as if to whisper … You are not alone.
When my cell phone alarm simulated the Tibetan chimes for the end of my meditation, I walked over to the small Zen water garden to feed the little goldfish. Once again, I tried to feel the aloneness and see if I could become lost in egoic delusion. But before I could even reach for the food all of the fish schooled together in the center where the lilies had floated to the side and instead of aloneness, I was overcome by a sense of Grace. I touched my finger into the cool water and tapped it to my head as tears formed in my eyes and I was at once baptized in ALL-ONE-NESS which I suppose is the same coin, no coincidence, as alone-ness in any story.
After feeding the fish sanga, I picked up some smooth rocks that where within my reach. As I perched on a stone beside the edge of the solar miniature pond, I dipped each one into the cool water to reveal the shine beneath the dust. The moisture evaporated quickly as I held each stone in the sunlight within the palm of my hand. I noticed that even my breath left a moist circle on the cool river rocks. One after another I would hold each pebble up to my lips and exhale slowly then watch as the water molecules returned into the air right before my eyes. It seemed to give the totems a quality of a-live-ness as the pneuma touched the stone and returned to Source.
Orienting myself North I made a small medicine wheel in the dirt, and as I placed each marker on the circle in my mind I gave praise and gratitude for all that is alive and One in this moment of complete aloneness that was brimming with Life.
